Sex Less in the City

My fabulous friend Fabio was kind enough to give me the happy tour of New York, exploring Soho, Little Italy & China town & walking across the Brooklyn Bridge. We started the tour in earnest at Greenwich Village. This precinct of New York is famous for being the inspiration behind the hit song “You gotta fight for your right to party” by the “Beastie Boys”. What is less well known is that the “Stonewall Inn” which was our first port of call inspired an obscure young lyricist to pen the pop anthem “I predict a riot recorded by The Kaiser Chiefs. History tells us that a major altercation started right here which had major ramifications in the decades that followed.

The evening social activities of the men in the community were being sabotaged by none other than the local enforcement officers. This was proving more than tiresome thus prompting violent clashes between the gentle spirits of the cultured class and the state-sponsored bullying perpetuated by men in uniform. I was then taken to a specialist shop that catered for the adult male population that have a deep interest in the physical comfort of homo sapiens, specifically the Y chromed variety. A plethora of DVD’s were available for purchase which displayed men in a variety of yoga positions and wrestling grips.

Fabio was most attentive & eager to educate me on the unfamiliar paraphernalia on display. I inspected an assortment of contraptions, creams & contrabands that were mass produced in order to stimulate the customer’s primal urges. Of course, the effect on me was nil by zero due to my genetic makeup & natural inclinations which ensued my predisposition to seek out females of the species when mud wrestling activities are advertised.

The proprietor was not to be put off by this startling news & he was eager for me to purchase a packet of jagged little blue pills. He assured me they would assist me should I desire to take up the popular pastime known as horizontal Callanetics. I had to explain that I had suffered the indignity of involuntary redundancy due to me not having the foresight to sign up to the partner participation scheme. The tour ended with a visit to a couple of the local drinking establishments. There seemed to be a peculiar atmosphere that puzzled me for a moment or three. It then suddenly dawned on me that the Sisters of Mercy were nowhere to be seen. Thus ended my day in the company of a true gentleman with me headed for the New Jersey Transit & Fabio the subway to Harlem.