New York Knuckle Sandwhich

I was walking down 5th Avenue when I stopped to ask a policeman directions to Times Square

‘Technically you are already in Times Square. Is there any where specific you want to go to?’ he asked.

‘Yes’ I replied. ‘The Square ‘.

As I continued walking I spotted a temptation that I knew would be impossible to resist. No, it wasn’t a lady of ill repute beckoning me to purview her stamp collection but rather a street preacher was in mid flow reciting from the Good Book.

I immediately stopped in anticipation of hearing a masterful discourse shedding light on the mysteries of the universe. Alas I was to be severely disappointed

His attire was of curious workmanship and he explained he was wearing the very garments that Jesus would have worn during the meridian of time.

He had on an orange headband with a medallion in the centre, a colourful apron with yellow tassels at the bottom and a star of David hanging from his neck. He was what is known as African American and he had a couple of large associates (henchmen) lurking near by.

I asked him if his elaborate apparel had any symbolic relevance and also slightly insincerely whether they bestowed any magical powers .

He immediately assessed my character and dismissed my insightful questions and pronounced I was going to hell.

‘How did he come to that conclusion so quickly’ I thought to myself.

‘has he been in contact with my beloved spouse?’ I further reasoned to myself.

Things were cleared up when he said the reason for my impending doom was because I am a white devil, a member of the Caucasian race which had suppressed his forefathers. He further explained that God would see to it that judgement would be meted out to me personally due to my progenitors scandalous behaviour.

I then asked him whether the tassels on the apron has any specific meaning and he replied:

They represent the 612 commandments as are contained within the Old Testament

‘I only know the top ten’ I confessed to my ignorance.

‘Can you shed light on some of the others for my personal edification’ I further requested.

He hesitated slightly then opened his bible and read that:

‘Man shall not lie with man’ and then added the punishment would be ‘Death’

‘How about women lying with women ?’ I asked seeking clarification

‘They too deserve to be punished by receiving the death sentence’ he answered

‘A bit harsh don’t you think?’ I interjected and then discoursed a little bit on the new testament superseding some aspects of the old testament.

This was ignored by Preacher Man so I asked where was his place of worship is located so I could attend a meeting whilst in New York

‘You can’t attend our church, you are a white devil and you are going to hell’ he stated emphatically.

So that’s another person telling me I am going to hell; First the ‘born again’ christian say I am going to hell because of my heretical views; the Muslims say I am going to hell because I don’t accept Muhammed as the last prophet and now some strange Black Power church is telling me I am going to hell because I am of the wrong race.

I then turned to a group of young African Americans who had been listening to this exchange and I made a couple of comments. Preacher Man was most incensed by this:

‘You can’t talk to these people whilst I am preaching’ he announced in an agitated voice

‘I can speak to anyone I want to’ I replied adding ‘I don’t need your permission’

‘I am going to whip your butt when I get to heaven’ he announced

‘That is not a very Christ like action’ I retorted which seemed to get him even more agitated

Then one of his associates came up to me and said:

What makes you think I can’t whip your butt right now?

Excellent point I thought to myself and upon reflection thought now would be a good time to excuse myself from further deliberations on the finer points of doctrine.

After all I didn’t fancy a New York knuckle Sandwich.

Date: